Parents (and grandparents) have two assignments, as far as I am concerned: One is to love their children, and one is to say “No!” to them, loud and often.
We don’t do our children any favor to give in to any whim and wheedling – and they don’t have to be told with any little effort they exert that they are “so special.” Children’s task is to prepare for life, and parents’ task is to show them the way.
When my son was little, we had a musical party each June, until he went to college - an afternoon full of roses and sun and music and friendship. There was one rule: At least one member of a family had to play or sing – otherwise the family was disinvited. You can’t believe how many requests I got to make an exception for little Johnny or darling Emma! I always said “No!”
My husband said I couldn’t do that, it was impolite. I said it was my party and my rules.
We performed, one after the other, and then we shared potluck and played games. Over time, so many parents approached me and said how glad they were we were sticking with the rules. Because they themselves were unable to say “No!” to their son/daughter. Now those children who had so much “freedom” are grown up – and I wonder how they will fare in life.
How did my son stay with his instrument through all those years? I always agreed he could stop playing - but only at the end of the school year because one sticks with things (at least for a while). At the end of the school year, after all the rehearsals and our musical party, he felt so good about himself that there was no discussion of quitting ... until November.
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