Parents (and grandparents) have two assignments, as far as I am concerned: One is to love their children, and one is to say “No!” to them, loud and often.
We don’t do our children any favor to give in to any whim and wheedling – and they don’t have to be told with any little effort they exert that they are “so special.” Children’s task is to prepare for life, and parents’ task is to show them the way.
When my son was little, we had a musical party each June, until he went to college - an afternoon full of roses and sun and music and friendship. There was one rule: At least one member of a family had to play or sing – otherwise the family was disinvited. You can’t believe how many requests I got to make an exception for little Johnny or darling Emma! I always said “No!”
My husband said I couldn’t do that, it was impolite. I said it was my party and my rules.
We performed, one after the other, and then we shared potluck and played games. Over time, so many parents approached me and said how glad they were we were sticking with the rules. Because they themselves were unable to say “No!” to their son/daughter. Now those children who had so much “freedom” are grown up – and I wonder how they will fare in life.
How did my son stay with his instrument through all those years? I always agreed he could stop playing - but only at the end of the school year because one sticks with things (at least for a while). At the end of the school year, after all the rehearsals and our musical party, he felt so good about himself that there was no discussion of quitting ... until November. Read More
Blog: On Health. On Writing. On Life. On Everything.
We Are Hard-Wired For Awe, Respect, Morals
May 7, 2010
A Yale study just concluded that babies already can differ between good and bad behavior. In eighty percent of cases, the baby chose the “good guy” puppet after they had seen a short puppet show.
Exactly what I always thought: We are hard-wired for awe, respect and morals. Unfortunately, we are also hard-wired to follow peer-pressure – and those two forces fight war over our souls. To enforce the knowledge of good and bad, we need a nurturing culture around us, in families, and schools.
Let’s not take morals too narrowly, though. Most morals have very little to do with sex (after all, it is a biological drive and, in all cultures and religions, has been hard to suppress), and very much to do with money and power. (Does not mean that I am a libertine; just means that sniffing out other people’s bedroom habits is not my cup of tea).
Religions often abuse our innate longing for goodness and request obedience to their rules and superiors. I personally think goodness is already undermined if you have somebody paid as a priest/minister/pastor; I hold that people should come together voluntarily and should stay unpaid lay celebrants. Religions that preach to hate, should be out. Spirituality that fosters kindness should be in.
This is what I want to see celebrated: Nature foremost because we would not be here without Good Mother Earth and her water, air and soil, families, nurturing traditions, worldwide community, justice, music, art, education and books. Read More